Split

I love you

I hate you

Please love me

Please leave 

Come back here

Don’t get near

Who knows what I need?

You’ll always wonder and never know what’s wrong with me.

I push and I pull

I’m acting crazy.

Everything’s always black and white for me. Can’t you see, baby?

I’ll love you, and worship you, and be your best friend

Until you hit a spike in my heart.

I split , then that is the end.

I’ll make you feel amazing. Treat you like a godsend.

All of my time thinking about you I’ll spend

 the emotions, loyalty, and love that I offer transcend.

I’ll treat you so good. 

I can set the perfect mood.

You’ll be so upset when it’s over dude.

When I’m hurt; you won’t exist, I’ll pretend.

Our relationship has hit an absolute dead end.

I can erase you and only think of you as bad;

Because I’ll only remember the times that you hurt me and made me sad.

You’ll ask for forgiveness, and start apologizing. 

Trust me I know that it’s frustrating.

For me too it’s internally agonizing.

I push and I pull

Make us both look like fools.

I’m sorry isn’t enough.

I’m sensitive 

I can act 

I'm also tough.

I won’t forgive you

I won’t make amends

I’ll forget the good moments and good times we had spent.

The damage that I can do to your ego,

Come on, roll your eyes and say “oh boy there she goes.”

The good in you no longer makes me glad

I’ll only think of the horrible memories that you and I had.

I’m split down the middle it's all or none.

I either give you 100% and if I start to dislike you

There’s no “some”,

 we’re finished, I’m gone. I’m done.

The balance of my emotions teeter totter on the scale

One side says “Please don’t hurt me I’m weak and frail.”

I’ll cry then my mind will start screaming

My other side is cold and demeaning.

One side  an angel, and the other’s a demon.

I’m angry and pissed, it’s time to raise hell.

You did this to yourself so oh well.

I can be the sweetest and kindest, and truly a dear

But once you hurt me, I can awaken a darkness that will only spread fear.

The monster in me I could make hell arise.

I’m loyal, I’m spoiled, I’m honest. I’m fake.

I’ll test your ass and see how much shit you can take.

You’ll never see it coming. It’s a surprise.

I’ll speak to  your soul and snatch your lies.

People say that I’m smart with no self-control.

But how does one body stay stable with two living souls?

I push and I pull 

It’s an inner duel.

It keeps me going. The balance is my fuel.

I love you

I hate you

I can’t care again.

No wonder why I can’t keep any friends.

Denial

Everything is great.

Everything is fine.

I lie with a fake smile.

While inside I feel like I just died.

Oh, the pulling of my heartstrings is making my heart sting.

No matter how far they stretch

I won’t let them break, 

So I remain blind.

Put up a shield to cover my eyes. 

Ignorant from the truth.

 A lie,

I cry when I told you,

“Everything is just fine”.



Anger

Pain pain go away 

Fuck you,

come back never.

Why is it like this? 

Life isn’t fair.

It’s  filled with shit

and ends in despair.

I can’t accept it.

What’s more to lose

But to wash my sorrow and thoughts with drugs and booze.

I hurt myself til I am cut up and bruised.

Sometimes I feel like I should just go out with a noose.

The pain inside has set a fire.

My coping is anger,

I’m not much of a crier.

Is happiness truly an unrealistic desire?

Something I possibly couldn’t soothe.

I gotta find relief with self abuse.

That’s why I choose to use. 

I’m hurt, and I am fucking mad.

Shit, I didn’t think it would hurt this bad.

Bargaining

I wish it were me instead of them.

I’ll go to hell, 

Instead of heaven.

I’ll take the sickness, 

I’ll take the shame

I’m willing to handle all pain

For my own selfish personal gain

Please bring it to me.

A life I’d leave.

If that’s what you have in store for me.

I’d switch for free.

I’m willing to perform the most disastrous deed.

Take my tongue

Take my eyes, 

I can keep it a secret, 

I’m good at telling lies.

I’ll scribble my name on the dotted line.

Take me to a place where I cannot hide.

A sacrifice strong enough to suffice.

My soul, my blood, a pitiful plea?

I’ll do anything.

What may it be?

To take back all the things I lost, love and need.

Depression

Roses are red violets are blue

This right here is my sad poem for you;

Leave me alone. 

Let me be.

I really don’t want to be “touched” or “seen”.

Can’t shower Can’t eat. Can’t even sleep.

I’m struggling hard. 

My mind is a prison 

My body’s a ward

With all these thoughts I cannot feel bored.

In the darkness so deep

Stains on my pillow from snot when I weep.

I hate these tears.

I’m weak. 

I’m cold.

I’m fading away. 

Do I have to survive another day?

My soul feels old.

I need some me time

to heal and to mourn.

I feel done and used up my energy.

Fighting my mind is my truest enemy.

Do I deserve this? Is this really fate?

Can you relate?

Wait.

Don't answer. 

It’s far too late 

I feel like I’m the only one.

To feel this pain

I can tell you that  it is not fun.

How long will this last? I just want it done.

Good feelings? 

Right now, I really got none.

Can my life ever really “just be fine”?

To think of cyanide mixed in a glass of red wine to ease the weight of my terrible mind.

The light I have is losing its shine.

Sadness is worn.

My body is sore.

I really don’t think I  can handle this pain anymore.

My heart is torn.

Why was I born?

I am alone this feeling;

to you it is foreign.

You’re making it worse.

This dread is a curse.

Leave me alone.

 Let me be.

I’m embarrassed,

I’m helpless

I’m hiding; I’m weak and in need.

I’m falling apart 

With my shattered heart

I’m begging you friend

Please go!

Please leave!

I don’t want you to look at me.

Acceptance

This is the hardest one for me…. I mean no ill words but I mean  this wall I need you to read 

 it’s not a will it is my way

Of a fate we will all have one day

Acceptance is an unmanageable verb

Read my words

When I say

Life is really short for us all

none will conquer

We all just  fall

To move forward and stand tall

Things come and go and life moves on

But here I am

I’ve survived made it to the next day

I’m really  just following along.

But I have to stay “strong”.

One day I’ll pass too…it’s sad, but it’s surely not new

And maybe in another world  I’ll find my way back to you.

I’ve come to terms and let go of my fears

The past is the past ...

We knew one day our lives wouldn't last.

Goodbye to me;

Goodbye to you, 

Goodbye to memories I wish everyone knew.

Goodbye Sun.

Goodbye Moon.

When we’re gone

There’s still light and the sky is still blue.

Goodbye tears

Goodbye peers

Thank you though

 for all these years

Good bye rain

Goodbye pain

We’ll never see each other again.

Thank you mom. Thank you dad. For letting me be both happy and sad.

I know one day you’ll be gone.

It feels so wrong.

it’s real it’s true..

I was lucky enough to have spent some time with you.

I’ll pretend to accept, 

But that is a lie, and that’s REAL truth.

Deep down inside  “acceptance” is something I really cannot confide

To lock up these feelings deep inside.

This is the shit we all can relate we’re all made and taught to hide, 

To live life and eventually die.

Funny thing is that there is nothing that we can do.

I’ve always questioned and pondered, “why”?

Who are you to tell me what to decide.

 About praising someone of a “greater divine”

To give your living designs both amazing and horrible lives.

Create and give eons of knowledge to these unique bloodlines.

To create the same things that will fight for “peace” but  choose to hate, cheat , and divide in order to survive..

Having control of whatever that’s yours; 

But being able to take whatever was mine.

And never knowing when it’ll be our last time.

How could you ask anyone to act like it’s fine?

I’ll be fine but

To me, I wish I never knew about the life line decline.

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